numero catorze journal 14

Hey yall!!

Well, I just got back from the first public showing of our play "It's A Wonderful Life" and it was fab!! We all did really well and the audience really loved it. I do have a point here though. I seem to have a problem with my attitude towards things. I always approach things very negativly saying things like "I can't wait till this is over." or "This is going to suck." the thing is, it usually doesn't.

Take this play for instance. I got to school this afternoon and I was so bitter and nasty towards the whole thing when I should have remembered that acting is one of my favorite things to do and I'm not bad at it. I doesn't matter how bad something is as long as I make up my mind to have a positive attitude, no one can take that away from me.

I'm going to try and approach thigns in a little better light now. Maybe if I switch angles a bit the whole situation could benifit from it.

♥Kristen

twelve wishes they were me!- journal 13

Good afternoon...

Well today I have had a sort of no bueno day just because I am so rediculously tired and friends are acting oddly and it's just been....one of those. Between this dad gum play and cheerleading and school and dance and doctors appointments i am stretched so thin. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. In the middle of all the growning I realized that this just might be a lesson =].

Sometimes we feel like we are the supreme being. We handle everything ourselves, we never admit that we aren't hurcules. Very not good. I think God is kinda teaching me to lay down my burdens, he WILL take care of everything. The power of prayer is so much more intense than anything I could do myself. I now know that by me stressing out and trying to fix everything I'm only getting in God's way because his plan for me might just be more amazing than anything I could ever "fix."

♥Kristen

yes, i know, number 12

Hola

yes I realize this is two posts in one day but i have two things to say today!! i really hope this counts =]]

so today i was talking with my mom about how suicide can affect someone and you never know what's really inside someone's heart when you say things to them. now i'm a very sensitive person and i get emotional pretty much over everything but this really hits me.

these days you can walk down the halls of a school and wonder if that girl that's walking alone and has a frown will be alive the next day. life is such a fragile thing and it's both a gift and a curse. i really would like to make this journal about how we seriously need to evaluate our fellow earthlings(hee hee). if you see someone having a bad day, tell them how pretty they look, ask them to eat lunch with you. it's a small step to showing them how much God really loves them, even if it may seem like no one else does.

also, if you happen to read this and you have a self esteem problem, firstly, i would love to be your friend =]] but also, you are such a beautiful work of art. you are so intricatly crafted and you stand out among the rest.

♥Kristen

jour-jour el eb en (11)

Aey bay bays...

so today I was thinking alot about rules. i honestly look at some rules both in school, and at home and can't understand someof them. today i was really examining rules. thinking about what they're around for. i realized that although some rules really are ridiculous, others are ment to protect you. the desire to do something so badly only clouds your vision from seeing that a rule is there to keep you from doing that because it's not something good. it can ultimatly harm you and may provide the joy in the moment but tears for a lifetime. i challenge everyone my age to seriously think about rules. don't be the narrowminded teenager everyone thinks you are. be open minded and understanding towards these guidelines because we never consider the situation we could be in if they didn't exsist.

♥Kristen

diez, ten, dix. JOURNAL 10

Holla homies!!

I'll be keeping this journal short and sweet. Today we had play practice again as our play is tomorrow and I'm ver upset at myself. I tried every last thing I could to get out of it. I litterally spent more time trying to get out of this thing then just hammering through and getting it done. Barzon. I know this isn't exactly what you would call an elaborate blog but you get the point right?? I really hopw I can start to live the way God wants me to. I'm not being so courageous so far.

♥Kristen

courage journal nine

life
what??
it slips through our fingers
even sometimes at our own will.
life
why??
why end such a precious gift
a hand crafted work of art
life
where??
where did the love for your family or me go
why didn't you talk to me

life. look at the beautiful workings of our bodies. the way or heart pumps blood at exactly the right pace, the way every blood vesel and nerve is intertwined to do exactly what it's supposed to. why end that prematurely?? god didn't want this for you. god doesn't want it for anyone. we are his children. we should come to him. we should lay all our problems on him.

life

♥Kristen

tell me...what is this journal 8 you speak of...??

And she'll have fun fun fun till her daddy takes the t-bird away!!

Man you just can't help but dance around and look like an idiot when you hear a beach boys song =]]

So today presented itself with a chance at courage through perserverance. I had to spend 7 HOURS at school on a saturday!! I know. I haven't yet figured out how I made it out alive. I was there because our drama performance class has our production "It's A Wonderful Life" in about a week and it's crunch time so to speak.

Honestly, It was terrible. seven hours in a tight skirt, pill box hat (which was permanantly attached to my head by the evil weapon....bobby pins), and heel's was no bueno to say the least. At the end of the day everyone was completely worn out and not one of us was in a good mood. Including Kristen (or my alter ego-Miss Carter).

Just thinking back and wondering if I could have made the whole situation better by being in a better mood and dealing with everything in a more mature and pleasent fashion. It makes me upset at myself because one person being in a better mood could have made everything run alot smoother.

Well, It's off to bed. I'm wiped. Have a wonderful day!!

♥Kristen

as they say in french...journal sept

ahhhhhh.....friday

well, today I felt pretty dad gum good about myself. there were several choices that could've very easily been made but were not. also, i stuck up for someone i normally wouldn't. i think i'm finally getting a hold on how God wants me to live and not how i think i should live. whew hew!!

♥Kristen

no but serioiusly....journal 6

Hay Hay Hay

So today I was in drama painting a door and from behind me i heard an annoying little voice that sounded like a mix between what a rat might sound like in a musical and marshall sweringen. Guess who it was?? I turned around and Marshall could have killed someone and gotten less scrutiny. I was so bitter and rude. I am so embarrased of my behavior, especially since Marhsall can be very nice sometimes. Then I realized, so can alot of people that get on my nerves. I never thought about it before but I guess we never really realize how our words affect people until it's too late. I mean, I really must have hurt Marshall and I didn't even think twice about turning around and giving him a big peice of my mind.

Our actions and words are all the beginning of a chain reaction that could either be a positive one or a negative one. Are we going to make someones day better or are we going to vent unnecesarrily for thirty seconds and ruin the whole day for us, the other person, and the people that persons life affects.

So far, not doing so good on being courageous. Hope I do better tommorrow.

♥Kristen

P.S. Come to the play!! You can buy tickets from me.

the name's five.....journal five

Yo Homies!!

So today I was thinking about alot of things. Mainly, my freind Shane. Shane Harris was a very close friend of mine who was killed in Iraq in the Anbar Province by a roadside bomb. The remarkable thing about that is that there were six other men in that humvee and his body shielded anyone else from serious injury. Also, my brother Mike Kennedy is a Lt. in security forces in the Air Force. Needless to say I have a special place in my heart for the military. I love Michael and I loved Shane from the bottom of my heart and it still hurts me to think about not having him around anymore. In the middle of my thoughts I heard one of my fellow classmates say that 9/11 was a conspiracy and soldiers were stupid for fighting in a meaningless war.

I completely flipped out. I retorted by telling this student how stupid and ignorant he is and that the "dumb soldiers" gave him the right to say stuff like that anyway. I felt good about my reaction.....for about five minutes. The nI realized how I must have embarrassed this person. I should not have handled that way. While it was happening I thought I was being so courageous for sticking up for my best friend but really I was only reacting in a negative way.

that's all for now!

♥Kristen

P.S. The picture on top is Shane, the one on the bottom is my sister, her husband (Mike) and me. Always remember, the land of the free because of the brave.

it's time for another! courage journal #4

hOLLA!!

Well today was a day filled with thoughts. In bible, we watched the little movie on the story of Cameron Duncan. That was pretty amazing. He knew he only had a few months to live and boy did he live to the very last day. I admire that.

I can sort of relate to the documentary because I, myself have been dealing with some pretty serious health issues. I have ITP, a subset of lupis and it really makes me feel terrible sometimes. I don't like to tell my parents or even many friends or teachers about my illness because it embarrasses me. That's right, I am embarrassed of something that is a big part of me. It's hard for me to even write this. I don't ever really let anyone know that I'm in pain. I put on my "fine" face and go through the day. I think this completely makes me a coward.

I don't even ask people to pray for me. I just don't want to seem like a whimp or someone that feeds off pitty from others, I know people like that and it's really not okay with me. I've learned recently that I can trust people more than I think I can. I know that God has surrounded me with wonderful people who can really lift me up and care. I'm really going to work on that. Have a wonderful day!

♥Kristen

the return of the courage journal

Hello again!

Today I was feeling kind of lonely and I decided to call my very best friend from New Mexico. I left her a message on her cell phone and she returned my call about twenty minutes later saying she was sorry she didn't answer the phone, she was in church. Having her say this overjoyed me because I knew that in prior years she wasn't an avid church goer and she didn't really practice a religion. In the midst of all of my excitement, I thought about something. When I wake up on sunday morning, I don't necesarrily feel fired up about goign to church, I feel more compelled and obliged than anything. Then I thought, well if I feel this way about going to church on sundays and all I do is go through the motions....is she excited about it??



I'm really glad this hit me because I know that many christians only go to church because they think that's what christians do. Not because they really want to. I think we should all remember that God didn't create the church so we could go there one day a week, dragging our feet, because we HAVE to. We should be so outrageously passionate about learning about the great love God has for us that we should WANT to go as much as we can. The church was created as a fortress. "And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it."-Matthew 16:18. So come on people, let's be on fire for God and want to learn more about him.





♥Kristen